Ten simple rules for dating

Once upon a time, callow young men almost always met their dates’ dads.

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Must always root for the underdog, prefer baseball to football, jazz to rap, fall to spring, Fitzgerald to Faulkner, pubs to opera, Montana to Marino, tailgate parties to weddings, dogs to cats, Mel Brooks to Albert Brooks, Matisse to Michelangelo, Bartles to Jaymes. By the second date, you must have it memorized.)Rule 2. Must be able to absorb 0,000 in daughter’s college debt without holding a grudge or feeling like you saved half of Europe from starvation. Must be willing to advise me on various harebrained business ventures, such as my latest: Selling hemp hats to disgruntled hipsters. Must know how to tell a joke: A bear walked into a bar ...

In most cases, it was like shaking hands with a smiling canned ham. The more impressive the girl, the worse her father. I mean, aren’t parents the most indecipherable of all human beings?

If your date was Goldilocks, her dad looked like Shrek, big, green and warty. ”Of course, that’s not exactly what her father meant.

Often, you have to swoosh them out with a broom, while they hiss at you the entire time. Must agree that light beer is fine, but decaf coffee is “merely a cup of lies.”[email protected]: @erskinetimes MORE FROM THE MIDDLE AGES: Fall makes all of us see routine things with fresh eyes, even coffee-flavored onions Our columnist has cargo shorts and a bullhorn: Let the revolution begin!

Still, as my lovely older daughter points out, “New York guys can be tamed and eventually make excellent pets.”Look, she likes this fellow — that’s the most important thing. Plus, he has a very cool mustache, which conveys both wisdom and an enlightened sense of personal style. So before I left, I asked Justin to sign a short legal document that I am in the process of getting notarized.

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