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For some more information on the theory and some examples watch this 3-minute video: .

Deep, positive relationships can only be developed by listening to each other (Weger, Castle, & Emmett, 2010).

So if the husband has a well-trained relationship ear, he may decode the sentence to be something like “you are unreliable since you have forgotten to refill the sugar jar,” and he might retort with something like, “Well you are not very reliable, you still haven’t fixed the light in the kitchen! Things unravel quickly when we are not hearing each other.

The underlying emphasis of both the sender and the receiver on the four facets can create a barrier to healthy communication.

A vital element of positive social interaction, however, is good communication. A communication model usually involves a sender, a receiver, and a (verbal or nonverbal) message which is encoded by the sender and decoded by the receiver.

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Observation ≠ Interpretation/Evaluation Firstly, try to communicate your observations without labeling or interpreting them.For instance, a wife saying “the sugar jar is empty” may be less about the fact that there is no sugar left in the jar and more a prompt for her husband to go and fill the jar.To make it even more complex, as a receiver we tend to have one of the four “ears” particularly well trained (factual ear, relationship ear, self-revelation ear or appeal ear).Although this seems simple in theory, as you can imagine a lot happens in between and no message is ever decoded without bias.There is never the same emphasis put on each of the four facets, and the emphasis can be meant and understood differently.

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