Emotions online dating
My best friend called it “going for another round.” It took me years to realize that I was addicted to the experience of dating itself.There is a great deal of novelty in meeting new people and experiencing new things with them while clinging to the distant hope that one of them just might click.Several times during my dating experiences, I had to shut down my various online dating profiles for a few months and lick my wounds. It often became necessary to stop everything and reflect on why dating experiences had been such abysmal failures. I went on so many dates that I was testing different outfits, different responses to texts, different time frames for everything. I certainly could have won an award for persistence, but why did it still feel like not only were there great people out there, but they were behind some kind of sturdy glass wall?It takes a lot of determination and/or masochism to keep putting yourself out there when Mr. Without fail, I would eventually put my rose colored glasses back on and try again, inspired by a friend meeting someone new or it being the absolute depths of winter.“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” ~Unknown I’m all too aware that dating can feel like a grinding, painful roller coaster to nowhere.If you’ve hit your head against the wall as many times as I have, you know how frustrating, depressing, and downright disheartening it can be.The best part about it was that even though I was still excited about a great date, there was not longer the subtle hint of desperation in my interactions.
The ups and downs in this cycle can make you feel like you are unbalanced and have whiplash.
While it is a universal experience to want someone to share your life with, your value is not determined by your success or failure at searching for a mate.
It helped me to repeat, “I am whole, I am love” before and after dates, to get the idea across strongly that the outcome of this one event was not a determinate of my lovability or worth.
“I am flawed.” “If I spill my guts to someone else, they will run.” “I can’t be vulnerable.” “I’m not enough.” “I’m going to die alone.” “If I commit I will be trapped.” And on and on. When you hear yourself repeating any of these negative statements, say, “stop” and replace the thought with a positive affirmation.
I like to use “I am whole, I am love,” but use a positive statement about your worth that resonates with you.