Dating and living at home
“Tell them what is and isn’t okay: 'Don't expect me home for dinner every night, I’ll do my own laundry,' whatever.
You're not 12 anymore, and you don't want to fall back into those old patterns.”Carla is now living on her own and finishing up grad school (she’s getting a degree in communications).
Here’s what they struggled with — and learned — during the experience.“Meghan,” 26Two years ago, Meghan moved back in with her parents in New Jersey in a post-breakup state of shock, not just about being newly single, but also about her post-grad-school job prospects — or lack thereof.
“I applied to about 60 jobs during graduate school,” she recalls.
Nothing kills the mood faster.”Another time, she went out for pizza with some friends after the bars had closed (she was 24 at the time). After that conversation, her mom and dad began putting in the effort “not to treat me like their child living at home, but their adult daughter living at home.”That’s exactly what needs to happen, Amatenstein insists.
One of the biggest risks involved in moving home is falling back into old family dynamics from childhood or adolescence: “It’s very easy to revert back to acting like a kid, because [maybe] you’re used to being treated like [one],” she says.
I don't see myself living with my mom forever, but for right now, I’m really happy here,” she acknowledges.
Still, Sandy is working through some “personal uneasiness” about what living at home says about her.
“I’m trying to appreciate working on things that interest me in my spare time, like cooking, and [I want to] spend a lot of time with family.
And, returning to the familial nest wasn’t doing any favors for Megan’s own love life. “To be honest, it was a celibate six months.” Though she did a lot of Tinder dating, most of Meghan’s matches lived far from Jersey, so she wouldn’t end up seeing the guys she went out with more than once or twice.
“Friends in the city graciously offered couches and floors, so I was able to crash with them,” she explains.
She admits to occasional insecurity, especially when it comes to dating; she worries she might not be as attractive as those who live independently.
"It's kind of a weird thing to navigate living with a parent.