Dating a liar
Strong relationships rely on partners trusting on another.It’s important to understand that the person may not be lying intentionally.My name — along with family members, ex-colleagues, and fictitious people — was among the names he falsified. Seems like one is something we first learn to do in our teens and twenties. At dinner on this particular night, the conversation turned to previous relationships.You feel violated, angry, or hurt, and all of those emotions are valid. You don’t have to accept it when your partner lies.You can confront them, say that you don’t appreciate that they lied to you.
Another friend was recently dating a guy whom she was really starting to like.He saw her, got up out of his seat, and walked towards her. It was a bad decision; he used poor judgment, and he had to suffer the consequences. But lying about it made it an absolute deal breaker. We all have things in our lives that we wish were different. Whatever it is, it’s something that we are so worried about personally, that we find it important to distort the truth about it. Eventually, we will be found out, and I argue that those consequences can be even greater than the consequences of being forthright from the beginning. As relationships evolve, people have to accept the whole package of what you offer, not just the “good” things. “I’ll take this part of you, but not that part.” When people choose to continue dating, it’s an expectation that they are accepting all of you … And, there is an expectation that all of these parts have come with full-on honesty. She would have wanted to have some honest conversations about the circumstances of the situation, and then she would have been better equipped to make a decision about whether to continue investing in this relationship. It’s up to you to determine which is more important.My sweet friend, who is all of 5’3” tall on a good day, towered over him. Would it have been a deal breaker with this new date? We have trouble accepting the truth of it, so we assume everyone else will as well. Some people rationalize their lies by telling themselves that they have to lie about this particular thing, in order for this person to spend more time with them and get to know the “true” them. You think a lie will be less hurtful a year from now, or five years from now, when I have really opened myself up to you and trusted you only to find out you lied early in our relationship? When we find out later that we’ve accepted you “as is” and that “as-is” isn’t really “as it really is,” then problems develop! But, I would seriously think about the consequences of lying if you are looking for a future. Would my friend have agreed to meet this guy for a date if he told her he was really 15 years older and 8 inches shorter than he said? Would my other friend have continued to date this guy who cheated on a former girlfriend? It seems as if taking the high road is a much better, safer, and more successful long-term option! Honaman wrote “The High Road Has Less Traffic: honest advice on the path through love and divorce” in response to a need for a book that provided honest, real, and raw advice about how to survive and thrive through one of life’s toughest journeys.It seems like the other is something we first learn NOT to do when we are what … Certainly by age 10 (and I’m probably being generous here) we know what lying is and what lying isn’t. She had seen a photo of him, and read that his height was 5’8”. She told me she only saw one person who vaguely resembled the photo … Based on her own personal experience, she had a “sensitivity” to men who cheat.So how come I can be writing a post that talks about both dating and lying simultaneously? She arrived at the restaurant where she was meeting him for dinner and searched for a man who looked like the photo she had seen online. but looked more like he could be the father of her date! She asked him if he had ever cheated on anyone, and he said no. But, as small world stories go, she met someone a few weeks later who knew this guy and filled her in on the story of how he cheated on a former girlfriend. It may be something we find distressful in our present day situation. If the truth is so offensive to your date, then clearly you aren’t meant to be together. Lies only protect the present, but they have absolutely no investment potential in the long-term.